Sasuke's Bad Luck
by punkxgoesxcrunk
Summary: Sasuke returns to Konoha. What kind of blessings will Konoha bestow upon this BEAUTIFUL Uchiha? I only posted this because I'm mad that Sasuke left Sakura..


**Sasuke's Bad Luck**

Chapter 1.

Trekking In the Woods

Sasuke panted as he was trying to go back to Konoha, but the blue cloth and rope keeping the white bathrobe he wore together made him trip every 5 seconds.

"Stupid bathrobe!" he cursed. He tripped on his clothes yet _again_.

Chapter 2.

Poor Sasuke!

'**I'm nearing Konoha!'**

He was nearing the gates to Konoha when they started to close. Sasuke was almost there when they were almost a foot away from closing. He looked at the sun. There was no sun, because it was already dark.

Sasuke sprinted towards the gate.

"AH!! CURSE YOU, YOU STUPID GATE!" he shook his fists in the air. "AND CURSE MY EVIL BATHROBE!"

His bathrobe got caught onto one of those spiky tings at the top of the gate. When the gates closed, Sasuke started screaming for help.

The people who handled the gates and guarded the village couldn't hear him, because they were already walking home.

Sasuke struggled to get off, but he couldn't seem to get off. Soon he gave up and sighed.

'**Could things get any worse today?' **

In fact, yes, they could.

After a while, Sasuke heard some sort of ripping noise. "Uh-oh," he muttered. The blue part (his skirt ha ha) started to fall off, and his bathrobe ripped off. Sasuke fell to the hard dirt ground and rubbed his butt.

"This day… Is so… Awful."

When he looked down at himself, he shrieked.

Sasuke's bathrobe was torn, and you could see his private part. He looked up at the gate. At the top was his blue skirt, and part of his bathrobe. Sasuke thought quickly. After all, he was REALLY smart, huh? Sasuke tied his rope to his crotch. Like a brief.

Chapter 3.

The Next (Unlucky) Day

Sasuke woke up. He was in a bed. Sasuke shook his head and looked at himself. He was in a white shirt and blue shorts.

"Oh. He's awake."

A lady with pink hair came in through the open door-way. She was holding a tray with a bowl of Cheerios and a glass of water. She set down the tray on a nearby table.

"Sasuke."

"What? Who are you?" Sasuke asked.

"You… Y-you don't remember me, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke stared at the girl's Emerald eyes. "Sakura?"

"That's my name don't wear it out." Sakura handed the tray to Sasuke. "Here. You should eat something. You look _very _hungry."

The Uchiha looked at the little small circles in the bowl. "Are these… Donut seeds?"

Sakura laughed, "Haha! You are stupider than I thought! They are _Cheerios_. Cereal. And that glass of liquid is not something to water the 'donut seeds'. It's water."

"I'm not THAT stupid, Sakura."

"Hey, Sasuke. Can.. Can I tell you something, something I've been _longing _to tell you all those years you've been away," Sakura folded her hands on her lap. "Please?"

'**Please don't tell me she loves me and she never wants me to go away again….'**

"Fine."

"I LOVE NARUTO!" she shouted. Her eyes turned into hearts and she started springing up and jumping around and dancing.

'**Actually… That's worse! Did I lose my touch?'**

Chapter 4.

Naruto

Sasuke looked around Konoha. He remembered only a little. Ok, not so much. He was kind of embarrassed to be walking around with really short shorts and a blue t-shirt that was really tight on him.

Sasuke walked past people, and he saw a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was in a black and orange sweater and black and orange sweatpants. He was being crowded around with many people, not to mention all of them were girls. Girls that adored ad LOVED Sasuke in the past. But this was not the past, it was the _future_.

"Naruto?" said Sasuke randomly. He was surprised he could even attract any women's attention.

The blonde turned around with his arm around a girl with black hair's waist. It looked like Hinata. "Yeah?"

"I-is that… _You_?" stuttered Sasuke.

"Last time I checked." Naruto started staring at Sasuke. "By the way, who are you?"

"It's me SASUKE!"

Naruto was silent. The girl he was with only gasped. The other girls who crowded him were silent, with jaws open.

"SASUKE!!" the girls started screaming. Sasuke flinched, hoping the girls won't go after him and start saying, "OH SASUKE! WE MISSED AND LOVED YOU!"

But when Sasuke opened his eyes the ladies were angry. No love. Anger.

"STUPID SASUKE! You DUMMY. Why did you leave? Ino will take care of this."

The ladie moved out of the way to introduce Ino. The new Ino. She still had her long blonde hair, but instead of a regular ponytail, she uses a rose vine with roses on it to tie her hair up. She was wearing a denim mini-skirt with a red rhinestone rose on it. Her top simply was a purple tank top with yellow and red roses on it.

Ino looked angry. Of course. "I used to love you, Sasuke. But here's _my _sweet revenge after leaving us. We now love… NARUTO! He has always been there for us women, but you--you just stood there watching us drool over you. Playing hard to get. Anyways, let's get down to business!"

Ino made a hand-sign. Sasuke just stared, since he was so weak at the time. Orochimaru didn't even TRY to give him "strength". Orochimaru just sat there making him do all the work and Kabuto just had to discpline him if he up with any weird ideas.

"Atama Tenkin Shimasu Jutsu!" Ino cried out.

Sasuke closed his eyes, and started crying. "Please! Don't hurt me! PLEASE!"

The girls started snickering and giggling. Naruto shouted, "HEY! Just leave him alone, ladies. Hinata, tell Sasuke to come with us."

Hinata nodded. "Sasuke… P-please come."

Sasuke followed Naruto.

Naruto brought Sasuke home, where Hinata and him lived.

Naruto went to the living room with Sasuke and Hinata. They started to chat.

"So how did every single girl in the village like you?" wondered Sasuke.

Naruto carelessly replied, "Because I'm cool. Unlike you."

Hinata sat next to Naruto and giggled. "Oh, Naruto-kun.. I love you."

Chapter 5.

Good-Bye Sasuke

That night, Sasuke stayed at Sakura's house once more who always whined about how Hinata belonged to Naruto, and she didn't.

"Jeeze, Sakura. You are worse than Naruto in his Kyuubi state," murmured Sasuke.

"Well, _Sasuke_. Guess who I invited over for dinner?" said Sakura. "Ino!"

Sasuke looked down at his feet.

'**Darn. I wish it would have been someone else. Scratch that. NOBODY!'**

"Please, no! Sakura, NO!"

Sakura shook her head.

"Too late, Sasuke-_kun­._" Sakura pointed out the window. "She's right there."

Sasuke saw Ino walking up to the door.

Sakura went to the door, and after a few laughs, she was back with Ino. After dinner, Ino announced, "Well, I'd better be off. I'll be back tomorrow!"

Sasuke was scared to death before even half of dinner was over, and was locked up in his room.

"Oh, no.. What should I do? The whole village is after me! I mean… Hopefully not _everyone_. Hokage-sama isn't after me!"

Someone knocked on the door.

"W-who is it?" he peeped. "Is it Sakura?"

"Of course it is, you IDIOT!"

Sasuke opened the door and the pink haired KUNOICHI had her phone in her hands.

"What?" Sasuke tried to sound tough.

"Lady Tsunade-sama wants to meet you tomorrow to see if she'll assassinate you or not." Sakura went back to the phone and nodded. "Oh. Ok. I'll tell him." She hung-up. "Sasuke now she's decided that she _will _kill you. Besids, you betrayed the village."

Sasuke choked and fainted.

"I guess he took _that _well." muttered Sakura. She bent down and whispered, "Yoku Narimasu Justsu."

Sasuke got up and rubbed his head. "What just happened?"

"You passed out after I told you that Tsunade-sama wants to kill you tomorrow."

Just when Sasuke was going to faint yet again, Sakura yelled, "Don't pass out! You're gonna make me waste my chakra on you."

Atleast someone cared for Sasuke in this village.

"I HATE YOU SASUKE!" said Sakura.

"Ok, then. Good-bye, it's 10:00, you should get some rest. Buh-bye." While Sakura was trying to talk to Sasuke, Sasuke slammed the door on her and sighed.

Chapter 6.

Good-Bye Sasuke!

In between hours, Sasuke checked the house to see if Sakura was asleep. Once it was 1:30 A.M., Sakura was asleep after talking on the phone for hours. Sasuke packed up some clothes, a lot of food, 3 cakes of soap, and 5 bottles of shampoo.

Sasuke opened the door quietly and looked outside. Nobody was out. When he closed the door, it slammed onto his toe.

"AH! OW OW OW!" Sasuke quickly covered his mouth and looked around. Nobody was there, thank God. While he was walking towards the gates, he steppes on a black cat.

The cat screeched and scratched Sasuke's face all over. Sasuke was bleeding in tha face.

He still kept on going, though. Soon he came across a man named Haku.

"Hi, my name is Haku!"

"Haku? That name rings a bell…" Sasuke put on his thinking cap and his eyes became afraid. "I.. I thought you were dead!"

"Does that make a difference in my presence? Howcome everyone I know keeps saying, 'But, I thought you was dead!' I mean, c'mon, can a dead person have a little fun?"

Sasuke screamed a scream that would've woke the whole village and ran out. As soon as he was away from the village, he was panting, and HAPPY he was away from Haku.

Chapter 6.

Hebi

Sasuke was in the middle of nowhere. Wearing nothing. _Nothing_. You know why? Because that stupid tree caught onto his shorts, and while he jumped off, or atleast tried, the shorts ripped off. Of course, he wore boxers. Good thing! But after that, he found a lake, and bathed there. When he came back to the spot he put his clothes at, THEY WERE _GONE_!

So he had to wander around without anything on.

"Oh, look Suigetsu, he's NAKED!" came a voice. It sounded like a female.

"Suigetsu! Look at him! YUCK!" cried out another voice. It sounded male.

"Juugo… Karin… Somehow I wonder why Orochimaru wanted to take you for your powers." said another voice.

Hearing Orochimaru's name, Sasuke jumped and yelled, "Show your faces, now!"

"Hey, he caught us!" whined the female voice. "No fair! It's all _your _fault Suigetsu!"

"How is it _my _fault?"

"YOU SHOUTED, DUMBASS!"

Three figures appeared from behind the trees.

"SASUKE! I LOVE YOU!" the woman said. She had horrible neon-pink hair. She was wearing black-rimmed glasses with a yellow coat jacket showing her belly-button. She had black shorts and ninja shoes. She kept jumping up and down excitedly for some weird reason.

"Shut up, Karin." demanded one of the guys. He looked serious. He had white, long, and straight hair. He had a purple shirt on, the style of Ten-Ten's. He had matching pants that were really baggy.

"Gimme my cookies…" groaned the other guy. He had nothing covering his torso, except his chiseled chest. All sweaty and.. WAIT A SECOND! How come _Sasuke _is thinking about this?

"Juugo? Suigetsu? _Karin_?" said Sasuke. "What are _you _doing here?"

"Orochimaru ordered us to retrieve you," replied Suigetsu. "And we found you!"

Suigetsu snapped his fingers. Juugo smirked and cuffed Sasuke. Karin pecked at his cheek for half-an-hour, while they were trekking back to Sound Village.

"Finally," muttered Sasuke, while Karin nuzzled his neck. "We're HERE!"

"No, actually it's a rest stop." said Suigetsu. Juugo jumped around like a monkey.

"Suigetsu!" he cried. "Can I PLEASE get a pack of Skittles from the vending machine?"

Suigetsu sighed and handed over Nin-Dollars (A/N I know cheesy…). "Fine…"

Juugo ran over to the vending machine.

Chapter 7.

The Talk

"_Now _we are here." Suigetsu announced, Juugo asleep on his back. Karin was sleeping on Sasuke's back, who couldn't do _anything _about her doing _everything _to him while they were on their journey.

Kabuto was doing the laundry in a pink apron, when he saw Suigetsu, Juugo on his back, and Sasuke, Karin on his back.

He blushed, sweat-dropped, rubbed his neck, and said, "Oh…. Back so early, are you?"

"Yes."

Sasuke stood there and dropped Karin, so tired of carrying her. She was fat. And heavy. Like Peter Griffin.

"UGH!" Karin got up from the marble floor and rubbed her botox. "Sasuke… Why did you do that?"

"You are… Heavy."

Kabuto closed his eyes and smiled. "Well. Sasuke you're back, aren't you? Orochimaru wants to talk to you. But he's asleep right now---"

"KABUTO!" boomed a voice. "I am NOT asleep. You liar. No wonder that when we---"

"Orochimaru! Don't go there… Please!" panicked Kabuto.

Everyone looked suspicious.

"S-s-step forward, S-s-Sasuke." pointed Orochimaru. They had walked into the office.

"Why did you leave?" quizzed Orochimaru. "Ans-s-wer correctly…"

"I was bored. Ok, FINE. I was feeling the need to visit Konoha!"

"I'll bring out my SHOCK COLLAR!" threatened the evil snake-dude.

Sasuke gave in. "I love Sakura." (A/N: Aww How sweet!)

"I _really _think you need to get laid…"

"Hey!"

"Alright. So why are you _never _going to run away like that again?"

"Because I… am your…." Sasuke clenched his fists. And then he clenched his teeth. And then he clenched his nose, his hair, his mouth. "_Servant_."

"Good-boy.." Orochimaru snapped his fingers, and Karin walked in. "I need more Sharingan peoples.. Have your babies!"

Karin jumped with joy. "OH YEAH! I want your babies, Sasuke!"

Sasuke weeped. "Oh NO. Get away from me Karin!"

I guess you get the point. Sorry for leaving you like that.

THE END!

**I don't own Naruto… ****L**


End file.
